Optional Neural Access Interface Layer Also Available
In another industry first, the scientists at Electromagnetic Laboratories
have developed a new hardware utility for optimum clue delivery. Not
content with the clue imparting power of the current state-of-the-art
LART-class utilities, the engineers designed and successfully prototyped the
Clue-by-Four(TM). The Clue-by-Four was rigorously tested
against the following metrics.
Power Supplies
Three defective computer power supplies received an application of clues from the
Clue-by-Four. After receipt of a single clue application, two of the power
supplies recommenced normal
operation. The third supply was quickly
reduced into more manageable components after just a few clues were
applied.
Watermelon
Attempts were made to impart clues to five Royal Jubilee watermelon.
The first watermelon was the control watermelon, and received clues from an
unmodified Clue-by-Four. The second received clues from an experimental
Clue-by-Six. The third was tested with a Clue-by-Eight, the fourth with a
Clue-by-Four with the Neural Access Interface Layer (NAIL) attachment, and the
fifth with a Clue-by-Six with dual NAIL attachments. Each watermelon
received 3 clues. Clue delivery was measured by tastiness. The control
watermelon was only cracked after three clues, and licking proved minimally
flavorful. The second and third watermelon both experienced similar amounts
of clue enhancement, although the cracks in the watermelon were larger in
direct proportion with the size of the Clue stick used. The Clue-by-Eight
fared most successful at delivering clues to watermelon unaided, as the
cracks it generated were the largest. The two Clue sticks that had been
augmented with NAILs littered the site with Royal Jubilee fragments. The
Clue-by-Six, with its dual NAILs, broke the watermelon into flavorful,
bite-sized chunks, far and away surpassing the other Clue sticks.
Rental Corporation Personnel
Three of our engineers entered a particular rental corporation's offices
in McLean, VA, armed only with a Clue-by-Four with a single NAIL, a
Clue-by-Six with a quadruple NAIL array, and a fully equipped
Clue-by-Eight with a sixteen
port Wide Bus(TM) NAIL attachment. The effectiveness
of the Clue sticks was quite impressive - it appears that optimum clue
delivery is generated not by application of Clue sticks, but by
three seperate instances, wielded in a manner that implies
willingness to impart clues. Electromagnetic Networks cannot release
test details at this time.
The below graph shows the Buck versus Bang ratio of the Clue stick
series. Adding NAILs increases bang by 45% per decade per NAIL (5% rolloff
due to NAIL cost). The MOSPHET is shown in purple for comparison
purposes.
As the graph demonstrates, a quite small or quite large quantity of MOSPHETs has a far greater bang quotient than an
equivalent dollar amount of Clue sticks, but a moderate expenditure of
capital will render more satisfaction when invested in Clue-by-Sixes.
Where can I get one for cheap? by Jackson (JJLin@wam) on 10/09/2000 at 21:23 (#1) Where can I get one of these for a cheaper price?
mmm Site design by Stormking (danlevy@wam) on 11/03/2000 at 12:08 (#2) it's amazing that with the massive quantities of clue sticks floating around during testing that the designers of this webiste didn't get smacked a few times.. j/k
Further enhancements? by Proud wielder (dave@cup.hp.com) on 10/31/2001 at 11:26 (#3) Some possible additions for consideration by the dedicated lab team who brought us the Clue-Sticks:
- depleted uranium NAILs, for additional penetration power
- cranial tap, for those times when the subject has the
information but you just can't seem to extract it...
enhancements by MarneyFord () on 08/29/2002 at 12:33 (#4) A collapsable dual-NAIL model for portability would be ideal. An economical alternative to the hand-gun as a self-defense mechanism. Not to mention food processor, weed-eater, barbeque skewer, etc. You guys are really onto something!
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