Electromagnetic Networks' New Slogan: Technology you can abuse.

05/03/02: For immediate release
Keywords: innovative descriptive superlatives

Updated: So far the only technology we've been able to use was the Nonstick Hammer, and that was after we scraped all of the nonstick coating off of it. Therefore, we have chosen a more accurate slogan for our Laboratories: "Technology you can abuse."

Updated: Upon realizing that none of our products actually have intentionally sharp edges, we have abandoned "Cutting edge innovation." Instead, we are proud to present our new slogan: "Technology you can use."

Upon the advice of our new engineers corps, we fired our entire Advertising Department, except for the bright chap who came up with the Hoe-Hose 'Hos, whom we will welcome back to the Electromagnetic Networks flagship of quality once his sentence for moral corruption is served.

In an effort to boost our suddenly falling sales, we have decided to entirely reshape our corporate image. We are kicking off this new philosophy with an entirely brand-new slogan, to replace our previous lackluster slogan for the Laboratories of "We drink just to get through the day." This slogan not only failed to inspire consumer confidence, but it did not accurately express Electromagnetic Networks' unwavering dedication towards the goal of being the last consulting company you will ever want to hire.

On that note, we are proud to unveil our new slogan, designed expressly to bring Electromagnetic Networks and the Laboratories into the forefront of the highly competitive outsourced consulting field.

We at Electromagnetic Networks are using this month as a testing grounds, to elicit consumer feedback on the new slogan, as well as to test our as-yet unproven pet theory of how to write advertising copy; that if the name of the company, in this case, Electromagnetic Networks, is used as many times as possible in a single press release, it will be as effective as a subliminal advertising campaign, without breaking any of those pesky laws forbidding such tactics. 1

Electromagnetic Networks

Just remember, when you think of Electromagnetic Networks, one thing should spring to mind. Electromagnetic Networks: Technology you can abuse.

Note 1: This theory is the sole responsibility of the nephew of our CTO, who has taken over the duties of the Advertising Department now that nearly all of them are unemployed. As the CTO put it, if we're going to be experimenting with bold new paradigm shifts at Electromagnetic Networks, we may as well try several at once. Also his nephew managed to find the exit from the cardboard box he had been inhabiting in the CTO's living room for the past four years, and needed something new to keep him busy. Electromagnetic Networks Electromagnetic Networks Electromagnetic Networks.

Comments on this Document
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how can I get
by Stormking (anansi@omniheurist.net) on 05/01/2002 at 14:18 (#1)
Your new product *drool* electromagnetic.net I'm sure it will clean my gutters in 1/2 the time. I must have it! besides I need to ferment my cheese in under three seconds!

by Kevin (kevinricche@hotmail.com) on 05/02/2002 at 12:31 (#2)
As for the new slogan, I was thinking of something along the lines of "If you've got lawsuits --we've got defendents."

You've got lawsuits, we've got defendents.
by Pasta Man () on 05/03/2002 at 14:35 (#3)
Although we initially liked the slogan Kevin suggested even more than our current slogan, upon deeper consideration, we realized that such a slogan might not achieve our desired goal of improving the Laboratories' reputation nor that of reducing our capital expenditures. Nonetheless, we at Electromagnetic Networks thank you for your positive interest.

by Stormking (anansi@omniheurist.net) on 05/07/2002 at 13:59 (#6)
Howabout a slogan of, faster slogan generation than the french?

New Slogan
by Kevin (kevinricche@hotmail.com) on 05/10/2002 at 11:51 (#7)
Perhaps, "We Make Our's Numb" or "We Make Our's Number."

I think the following definition is lab-relevant:

numb Pronunciation Key (nm)
adj. numb·er, numb·est
Deprived of the power to feel or move normally; benumbed: toes numb with cold; too numb with fear to cry out.
Emotionally unresponsive; indifferent: numb to yet another appeal.

how about ...
by fingerpaint (fingerbeck@yahoo.com) on 06/13/2002 at 00:17 (#8)
Electromagnetic Networks - When you've got nothing left to lose

Total Comments: 6

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