Electromagnetic Networks Goes Tango-Uniform

06/30/04: For immediate release
Keywords: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Despite long-standing rumors to the contrary, Electromagnetic Networks has not, in fact, gone out of business. This comes as a shock to all parties concerned, especially after one considers the stellar marketing research that went into the production of the Gin 'n' Juicer, but pure research is always its own reward. Unfortunately, the Laboratories have gone Tango-Uniform. Specifically, the engineers fell flat on their backs after a protracted earthquake in the tremor-prone zone of the greater Washington, D.C. area. (Upon further analysis, there was either an earthquake of epic proportion, or just possibly, a large vehicle caromed into the building. It is not entirely clear which, since a Verizon backhoe was spotted in the vicinity by the Systems Administrator when he went out for a jaunt in his car.)

We were first on the spot, since the shaking event happened practically in our back yard, and were able to get the words of the Engineers first-hand. "Sierra Hotel!" yelled Nikolai. "Why are you sayink that?" responded Dmitri. "Was being on telephonink device with hotel in Sierras, and am beink disconnected! Was hoping if was yellink loud enough, operator be beink able to be reconnectink me. Alas, is not to be."

Dmitri staggered to his feet, which was no easy task if one considers the copious research that he had been drinking. "Foxtrot! What is beink happenink to my Foxtrottink music?" Indeed, the record player that had, until now, been playing dance tunes at levels sufficient to drown out the white noise in the Laboratories, and indeed, to deafen the neighbors on all adjacent ZIP codes of the Labs, had mysteriously stopped. "The Foxtrottink needle on the machine is beink Foxtrotted all over my Golf Delta record!" This was one rare collection of dance tunes that would never play again, and Dmitri was inconsolable. "My record is Alpha Foxtrot Uniform! How will I be beink learnink how to be dancink at officer's balls now? Was already havink white tuxedo to be wearink and everything!"

Nikolai and Dmitri obviously needed time to recuperate from the aftershots of the Aftershock, as well as the earthquake aftereffects, and we hastily departed the Labs to investigate the damage to the environs. On a positive note, the main building, which had been designed to handle quakes of epic proportion, was completely unharmed, and only the Labs seemed to have been struck severely. Although the architects' nearly criminal malpractice on the Labs is to be frowned upon, and possibly the subject of protracted legal dispute, at least the central offices can keep business going while the R&D arm of Electromagnetic Networks recovers.

Upon exiting, we noticed the Systems Administrator standing outside the Labs, badly shaken. "My car! This is terrible!" Indeed, the shockwave seemed to have picked up his car and hurled it into the Labs, causing a large dent to the brick surface, and no little harm to his vehicle, to boot. In fact, the rear passenger tire of his car had been ripped off during the cataclysm, and presumably swallowed by the earth. "I decided to go out for a drive, to get away from that incessant ballroom music, and noticed that the ground seemed to be tilting. My car wouldn't go straight, and kept leaning towards the right and going in circles. Just when I was getting concerned, it seemed like I had hit a huge bump, and my car was picked up and thrown across the sidewalk and into the building! I was lucky that my airbag deployed and shot me out of the side of my car to safety!"

At this moment, from inside the badly dented building, Nikolai suddenly yelled out "Bravo Sierra!" loudly enough to "snap [the System Administrator's] suspenders." (Mercifully, the suspenders in question remained intact, although it was a close shave.) "I haven't heard yelling like that since Nikolai was on a conference call with three telephone companies and two liquor suppliers! This was during the research into the Non-Stick Hammer, and I was in my office, administrating some systems..." Doubtless fearing for the prolonged lifespan of his pantswear, the Systems Administrator wandered off towards his mercifully intact offices, babbling his war story to himself as he went.

Since the tremors seemed to have stopped, and there was a massive insurance claim to be filed, we at Electromagnetic Networks chose this moment to return to our mission objectives and continue furthering the cause of research, pausing only to draft up this report and rush it to the Foxtrotting presses. [The entire staff of Electromagnetic Networks all wish to go to formal dances, and we have all been listening to ballroom music at top volume for the last three months, including those of us in the Public Relations Department.]

Comments on this Document
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I think this is a new literary masterpeice
by Stormking (youknowit@whereIlive.com) on 07/08/2004 at 13:13 (#1)
soon, people all over the globe shall be raising their flasks and saying Foxtrot! Emnet has given us another "Golf Delta" book that is filled with the joys of "Bravo Sierra"
or Foxtrot Golf Delta book of Bravo Sierra

WTF
by DUDE () on 08/15/2004 at 06:55 (#2)
What the fuck is this?

great one guys
by monkey (monkey@zoo.com) on 09/16/2004 at 17:55 (#3)
it had been a while. good stuff.

phew
by Hawklord2112 (hawklord2112@gmail.com) on 10/03/2004 at 10:35 (#4)
yay. ur back. gin distilleries of teh world rejoice! your vast stockpiles shall be depleted....

Electromagnetic Networks forever!
by Pasta Man () on 02/26/2007 at 16:58 (#6)
Due to popular demand, Electromagnetic Networks is now hard at work on yet another Golf Delta book filled with Bravo Sierra (as suggested above).

Thanks, Stormking!