Emergency Trousers Kit

for Deployment and Replacement in the Field

11/28/00: For immediate release
Keywords: Emergency Trousers Brownware

Have you ever suddenly realized that you were in dire need of new trousers? Has a disturbing systems failure caused you to rapidly dump core? Have you ever been concerned as to the state of the seat of your pants if you were to unexpectedly compile some brownware?

Have no fear! Electromagnetic Networks has recently pioneered the Emergency Field Trouser Replacement (EFTR) Kit and the Professional EFTR Kit. Available in a variety of pleasing colors and sizes, our high-quality trousers will serve as the perfect replacement for any pants accidentally damaged in the field. Our painstaking research has allowed these garments to provide virtually undetectable failover and minimal trouser downtime in the event of a catastrophic failure.

Other companies might not promise everything you've come to expect from Electromagnetic Networks, but our products are intended for professional grade utilization, and come with the highest seals and stamps of approval. Your trousers are guaranteed to be 100% completely compatible with industry standards for pant shape and size. Further, if you order now, we can even provide trousers in colors matching those of your company's official logo or suggested dress code.

You may ask how we conducted this intensive research into field trouser replacement technology. Worry not, our engineers have become the industry leaders in trouser replacement, to the extent of familiarizing themselves with any variety of situations requiring the replacement of one's breeches.

We sent an expert team of two engineers to a pub in Eastbourne, where they thoroughly and extensively interviewed a series of professionals in the technology industry over a quite expensive series of pints. One common complaint was that when trousers were spoiled in the field, replacing them was often difficult and potentially embarrasing, frequently causing high-speed trips to one's home, risking any number of complications.

Upon presenting a select study group of administrators who were often in the field in high-stress, high-trouser-risk situations with prototype kits, we discovered a series of essential components that mark our kits as distinctive and best-of-breed.

Upon successfully deploying our Emergency Field Trouser Replacement Kit, you will notice feelings of euphoria, and that saying "You bet your ass!" has never been so comfortable.
Each Field Replacement Kit comes with trousers in the size and color of your choice (subject to availability), to provide minimum distraction from your regular duties.
Each kit is professionally wrapped in a specifically designed environment-resistant Trouser Containment Unit, and comes with thorough and complete instructions for a successful deployment in the field.
The professional Kit upgrades your EFTR with a specially designed Sub-Trou^(TM) Comfort Enhancement Subsystem, as well as a roll of our highest-grade Hazard Resolution and Containment Brown-Shield^(TM).
Finally, our High Availablity Kit comes with five Professional EFTR Kits, each individually bundled, as well as a large containment unit for safe transport of multiply damaged trousers. A must for the traumas of modern system administration!

And as we like to say here at Electromagnetic Networks, "They're like a spare tire for your ass!"

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A Lifesaver
by Flying Mongoose () on 12/15/2000 at 10:54 (#1)
I swear by these things now. Why just the other day I was taking my CMSC final and all of a sudden... CORE DUMP. Good thing I had these trousers or else it would have been a major faux pas!

CORE DUMP
by Da Guy () on 06/27/2001 at 10:35 (#2)
A few weeks ago, I could have used this product. I was in a corp. meeting about the results of our software audit. The results were bad. The boss looked over, and put the blame squarly on my shoulders. CORE DUMP. Very embarrasing. I had no replacement.

Now I never go anywhere without me EFTR. I will never agian be stranded in the corp. office with CORE dripping from my trousers. I have since used the EFTR one time, and it was a lifesaver. The boss that was about to fire me was so impressed that he orderd an EFTR, and I got a big promotion instead of the can.

Catastrophic Data Management Failure
by Work Unit #13-C/1A () on 06/27/2001 at 23:51 (#3)
Three weeks ago, while out in the field, a sudden shift in the data mamagement system began feeding far more data through the data transferal system. This in turn led to an overload in data processing. CATASTROPHIC CORE DUMP. The core began to liquefy, a rarety with core material, but it does happen...and at the worst of times.

Anyway...

I had one generic field trouser replacement kit...suffice it to say, it was not sufficient in containing continual loads of liquefied core. The core material was so hot that the generic replacement field trousers were destroyed upon impact of core material.

I was referred to this company by a co-worker and he will never go back to his generic field trouser replacements. I now use your EFRTs and have not had one problem with CORE DUMP TROUSER MELTDOWN.

Thanks,
Work Unit #13-C/1A

Not only for a core dump...
by Rufus () on 06/28/2001 at 01:32 (#4)
Even in this situations where you can actually prevent a core dump and only have a major "memory leak", these trousers come in handy.
And you never have to debug the core; if the core is dumped, it can stay dumped without further administrative intervention. I would never take anything else.

frist
by Anonymous Coward () on 06/29/2001 at 08:19 (#5)
psot!

A definite add!
by Justswell84 () on 03/14/2002 at 07:35 (#6)
To our General Dynamics products!